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WE’LL TAKE DRAKE!: New Mayor Wins by Default After Opponents Found Dead

The most captivating electoral race in Dansville is one for the history books and the entertainment tabloids after the office of mayor is won by default thanks to the gruesome deaths of both other candidates, which appear to have occurred on the same late night (although are not currently considered to be connected).

Mayoral Candidate, Zelda Weiss, was killed after her car swerved off International Drive and over the side of a bridge at the Dansville city limits. Mayoral Candidate, Andy Heimer, was found dead at his own dinner table after apparently consuming a peanut butter sandwich, to which he was deathly allergic. The possibility of suicide has not been ruled out in either case, clearly motives are still unclear.

Although it sounds like something out of a movie or a juicy escape game - murder mystery plot, the facts are straight: Jeff Drake has been announced as the new mayor of Dansville, Florida. Prior to today, Drake had been trending downward in orange county polls, with local residents quoting their opinion of him as “shady” or “afraid of reality”. Time will tell how Dansville will welcome its new mayor, and how--or if--he will guide community families onward from today.

*The Dansville Vale would like to note that Mayor Drake has not been connected to the deaths of his opponents, and is not currently considered a person of interest by the Dansville Police*

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